


He Reminds me of Her. So. Damn. Much.

by P_diddybutnotreally



Category: Clover - 平川哲弘 | Tetsuhiro Hirakawa
Genre: Beginnings, Character Death, Grieving, M/M, Shounen-ai, new appreciation, thanks misaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 10:35:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14542854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/P_diddybutnotreally/pseuds/P_diddybutnotreally
Summary: Tomoki isn't feeling great.Not at all.Emotions are eating him up and he decides to get ungodly drunk for today. Or maybe many days.Hayato is on his way, but does Tomoki really want to see him when his soothing demeanor, affection, and concern reminds him of the days when he was with her?





	He Reminds me of Her. So. Damn. Much.

I'm not used to this. Heartbreak was never an experience I planned to go through. Everything feels foggy as if I'm not sure I'm alive. Maybe I fell asleep or maybe I'm drunk. Maybe I'm just lost. I want to turn back time. Can I ever rewind time? No. Can I use the dragon balls? No. Because God ain't me. What is God? He's Goku. I wonder where I left my phone. How long have I been here? Where is here?  
Okay, I'll admit it. I'm completely wasted. I smiled.

"Sir! Sir! It's time to close. Please leave."  
His voice is painfully loud. Why does he have to scream? I let out a groan as I lower my head. Ha. I'm going back to sleep.

"Sir! Goddamn it, kids these days have no control. Excuse me, Sir? Should I call someone to... pick you up?"  
He then goes quiet for a moment and I close my eyes again.

"It's just a heartbreak... just a heartbreak."....................................................................................................................................

 

"-oki!"A faint voice interrupted my temporary escape from life.

"-ey TO MO KI." Am I dreaming? Please tell me I'm dreaming. A dream from which I don't wake up.

"Tomoki!"

"uuuuhh" My way of saying shut up.

"Tomoki, get up! What the hell are you doing?"

I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. Yeah. It's no dream. Back to reality. Back to this horrid reality. I slowly look up to find my crown-headed friend staring at me with intensity in his eyes. My best friend."Hayato? What brings- (hiccup) you here?" I figured I looked real funny as I said this because I really couldn't keep my eyes open. It's hard for me to see.

"F*ckng hell, Tomoki."

He looked distressed, from what I can tell. I thought he would find my ugly sh*t-face hilarious.

"Hurry up and get on my back."

I did as I was told because one, Hayato is scary when he's mad and two, I need a comfy bed right now and maybe a toilet. Light-headed and dizziness swarmed my head so I'm not sure how I managed to get on his back, but I did. The height did not agree with me I realized, because the second Hayato walked out a door, I pushed him off to fall down and hurl all the beautiful colors of the past liquor and food I've consumed. I felt Hayato's cold hand patting my back as I had the throwing up of a lifetime. I hope that loud guy doesn't see this or he'll yell again.

"Really?! I am not cleaning that up!"

Never mind he already saw.

After what seemed like a millennial, I finally stopped throwing up skittles and although the putrid smell made me want to throw up again, I held back because it was cold and Hayato's hand wasn't helping. Holding on to him, I got up and looked him dead in the eye and said,

"Why're yourr handsso cold?"

Hayato looked me straight in the eye just as I did and said nothing. He just swooped me up and carried me the rest of the way. I let out a groan because that fast movement made my head whirl. I was pretty much in a daze as we walked home and it was not until we were at my front door that I took in the sudden realization that Hayato was carrying me bridal style. Oh my g-

"Tomoki, be serious with me bro... Why the hell were you fuckin shit-wasted in a gay bar?"

Gay bar?

"Gay bar?" I repeated myself.

"Yes. Tomoki, a fucking gay bar." He spat.

What in the world...

"What in the world?"

"I can't believe you. You go get wasted in a bar that you don't recognize. What the hell? Hey, don't tell me you were wasted before going there."

"Was I wasted? I don't remember." I let my body fall to my warm, fluffy bed. Ahhh, this hits the spot.

".... Tomoki, what exactly happened?"

I frowned. Can't I just go to sleep? "Stop talking-"

"I don't believe you were dumped. She wouldn't do that." I heard him coming closer.I turned my head away from Hayato. And bit my lip.

"Tomoki. Please tell me."

Nonononononono.

"I can't help you if you don't open up! You need to face it Tomoki, so tell me right now!"

I furrowed my eyebrows and dug my nails into the cushion. Why is he so harsh? I felt something I tried sooooo so so hard resisting roll down my temple and into my hair. Then I felt another one slipping off my nose. And now I couldn't stop them. I buried my face on my pillow, and I didn't care if I died here from lack of oxygen because this pain that was leaking from my mind, body, and soul is morphing my face and messing up my nose. It's clogging up my throat and staying in my lungs. Memories are racking my head. And I suddenly need to pee. It's that wonderful alcohol.I felt a hand on my head, the way that she put her hand on my head, and I screamed into the pillow.

"I'm sorr-"

I screamed some more. My eyes were burning and my head was throbbing. My nose was stuffed with boogers and I tightly held the pillow in my face. I felt light-headed, but I kept on screaming. Or maybe it was a yell. I don't know but I let out the loudest scream or yell I can muster. Why? Because I ached. My head ached, my body ached, my heart ached. I screamed, I screamed, and I screamed, and I screamed, and sometime between there, Hayato started screaming too. Is everyone screaming? That's very rude, can't they see I'm screaming?

"Tomoki!!! Stop!!"

I felt hands. Stop touching me, please. Leave me alone. I'm not done reliving this injustice. It's some sort of abdominal injustice. She was.. she still is... I want to scream-

"Tomoki!"

"Leave me alone! Please! I can't believe it!! What in fucks name should I do?! "

He held my hands. "Well trying to suffocate yourself with the pillow is definitely not something you should do." This time his hands were warm. And so was his hug.

"Tomoki, I really wished it hadn't turned out like this. I really do. Really, really do. I thought it was a mistake."

I saw my tears drop on his shoulder.

"Please, don't do this alone."

He held me tighter and his sleeve was probably soaked by now. I felt his hand run through my hair and I closed my eyes. The other hand sternly held onto my back. I felt the heat spreading from his chest to my chest. Hayato can be so warm when he wants to. I let myself take a deep breath as I thought to myself how I longed his company, especially when he used to completely forget all sense of pride just to run, wrap his arms around me, and sneer at anyone or anything that had managed to make me spill a tear or two. I thought he had stopped doing such a warm act during our elementary days because back in High school all he did was fight. Naturally, I had forgotten about his soothing words, tone, and hands. I had forgotten this action that was done only for a weak guy like me. This is such a nice feeling, how could I not remember. How could I forget? I missed it so much. So much...

"I'm always here. I will never leave. It's not just your life. It's mine too."

He managed to make the corners of my mouth tug up.

"What are you saying? Are you proposing?"

"Who knows."  
He said into my shoulder and it tickled. Hayato did not move an inch after a couple of minutes passed. Okay, maybe he did. But that was to make sure he wasn't sitting on my legs or to move his when they started to go numb. I'm not sure when Hayato starting drawing circles on my back with his fingers but as soon as he did I couldn't stay awake. I let myself lean on him and I took one huge breath before closing my eyes.

 

"Why does he remind me of her so much?"  
..........................................................................................................................................................

I hurled the covers off my body so quick I was positive I saw them hit the ceiling and I sprang to the restroom. I didn't even close the door, I didn't even pay attention to the pulsating ache that was murdering my brain at the moment. If it wasn't for the heavenly release of my overflowing bladder, I would be in bed from the hangover of a lifetime. I seem to have spoken too soon because right after I pulled my pants up, my head exploded and I let gravity take over.

THUD

Shi-

"Tomoki!!"

Wow, that was fast. I only heard two footsteps.

"Hayato...."

"Are you okay, Tomoki?! Are you alive?! Oh shit, you're bleeding! Tomoki give me your hand."

Was I bleeding from my hand? I did not notice- !!

"Hayato!"

The yell made my head sting with more pain, but the yell was a much-needed response for the unbelievable situation that is happening right now. I can't believe him! He was sucking the blood from the cut on my hand! That's really unsanitary! Does he do this with other people?!

"I'm sorry, I panicked! Stop yelling! My mom used to do this all the time!"

"There is a difference between kissing the wound and actually putting the wound in your mouth."

"Shutup! You're not allowed to talk! Let's get you back to bed."

He grabbed me and I was actually looking forward to Hayato's comfortable arms, but this time it wasn't bridal style. Instead, he threw me over his shoulder and goddamnIhatehim  
"Hayato- Hurry, the toi-"

Nope, it was too late. I puked white all the floor and around Hayato's feet.

"TOMOKI."

"This... was... your fault," I said while coughing the rest of the puke out, which landed all over his bare back and underwear.

Wait...What? Hold up...

His clothes...

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks.

Did he sleep in the same bed?!

"HAYATO!"

.....................................................................................................................................................

The rest of the day was spent practically yelling. Not because Hayato did not know what to do- he was surprisingly very handy and crafty at making sure I got better- it's because he was overwhelmingly observant, vigilant, and just down-right protective. Everywhere I went he was right behind me: the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, the closet. Everything I did, he wanted to help or do it for me. I had to shove him out and lock the door so that I can peacefully take a bath. But, of course, that did not happen since he was yelling if I was almost done every three minutes. I understand where he is coming from, but I need some room to breathe. It took about ten minutes to convince him that I was just going to collect my thoughts by myself at a nearby location and will be coming back safe and sound in about an hour or so. Yes, those are the terms we agreed to. Before heading out, he gave me a tight hug and again, those smooth hands give off the same wonderful sense of serenity. I took a deep breath and lifted my arms - about to hug him back, but I didn't get to see his face as he let go, walked passed me, and left out the door. I stood at the same spot for a moment. Letting it sink in and questioning everything.

I'm not sure about the whole hour or so. I walked pretty far and I might spend a whole six hours here. The sun was setting and the sky looked majestic. It reminded me of skittles. She would totally laugh at me for saying that. She would have laughed. And if I told him, he would probably say some witty thing and then laugh too. Maybe they would both say witty things.  
I furrowed my eyebrows and looked down. Ouch. That stung. I felt a tear and a lump burning my throat. I thought I cried all the crying that can make up for the last 19 years where I didn't shed, at the very least, two tears, yesterday. I thought I was done. Does this mean I can never think about it again? Because doing so would tear up my eyes? I don't know. So many emotions pile up and now guilt is starting to be one of them. Or perhaps it was there all along. Nah, the guilt is definitely new... I hope. I know sooner or later, Hayato will make me face it. But how can I when I let this happen? This was my doing because I wasn't there. I'm not sure where I was, I just know I wasn't there. But Hayato knows. Hayato. He knows where I was. He knows because I called him, on the morning of that dreaded day..... to make sure he got home safe from confronting a group of bandits that mocked his pride. I couldn't call him that same night he beat them up. I wanted to. I knew he was fine, yet I needed to make sure. But I couldn't call him that night, because... I was talking to her. She was talking -the last I'll ever hear her voice- but... I can't even remember what she said. I put my hand over my heart and squeezed. I looked at the sky and squeezed some more. I squeezed so hard I dug my fingernails into my chest. I didn't want to cry again, though that's what I ended up doing the whole time there.

I was walking back home when it started to rain. I did not mind it though, the rain washed what was left of my tears. I was walking the same pace as before and I was getting soaked. I know Hayato will give me a smack in the head when he sees me. But the rain was coming down, and it washing away the tension and the strain. I was nearing my home and I turned the corner and I found him there. Standing in the rain, looking around, waiting for me. Suddenly I got a flashback; a vision of the past. Was this okay? Was it okay to be with him when he reminds me of her so damn much? My friend, my best friend, finally saw me, but he did not run. He stared. I stared back. Time stood still for a second, but our clothes were still getting drenched. He began to smile that silly smile of his and I smiled back as I felt a single tear drop because this time he didn't remind me of... This time, it was just him.

(இ﹏இ'｡)

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**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and Have a good one!(*~▽~)
> 
> I love this ship ☼.☼ I hope you do too 
> 
> Le Pricy out ~ !


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